Recently, I have chatted to my friend, who is currently single. She has joined several dating apps and she has been a regular on dating site, she is having 2/3 times a week new dates and yet still she hasn’t found the one. I asked her what she is looking for and expected that ‘dark, tall and handsome’ answer, instead she said she just wants a normal guy. But what are ‘normal’ these days? She said each guy she met after a few dates turns out they don’t have anything in common. So, how to find on your first date if you two are compatible?

It’s difficult to find that person, especially if going from date to date is not on your agenda, due to busy work & life balance. Sometimes, we just don’t want to waste hours of our time going on boring long dates, where the only thoughts in our head are: ‘How to get out’. Perhaps a solution can be online speed dating? There are multiple online events where you can have 15 dates (yes!) in one go. You can spritz on a little pheromones perfume and quickly establish if the person you are chatting with is your type, you have anything in common and if meeting them again is worthwhile. It will save you so much time and money (think of that time travel, cost of taxi or drinks, etc.). Perhaps, it’s worth a thought or two.

I started questioning her closer, as I was quite intrigued. She told me that she just want someone who would have similar lifestyle, career goals and aspirations as well as someone who share her values. I asked her what are the values then? She responded that she just want an easy life, someone who is trustworthy, and someone who will spend nights on the sofa with her. She is not a very ‘go to bar’ person, neither very adventurous so she just wants someone similar to her. She has searched many dating apps, websites like welovedates.com or she struggled to find the one. She would date someone for a while and only to discover after several months that they are highly incompatible. This could have been so resolved earlier if she focused on communication from day one.

I remember days when I was single myself, and I went to a few dates. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for until I met my current boyfriend. We clicked straight away, and surprisingly we had so much in common as of our first date. We chatted a lot and discovered how many things in common we had. Even on a first date, we found out we had a similar attitude for life, like being responsible yet adventurous. We both love travelling and taking chances and opportunities that life throw at us. We both weren’t scared to try new things. We could have pack up our bags and go on holiday literally the next day, with no plans. Already on our first day, we planned our first weekend away, which 2 weeks later we went on. ( Further down we travelled to Sri Lanka, Paris, Maldives etc.) We also discovered we had a similar working attitude, we both are hard working and learning on the go, not taking life for granted. We also were chatting about writing books which I don’t know many people have a desire too. Another one was our attitude to relationships, we both came off long 9 years relationships. We found out that, he used to study architecture and I was an interior designer and we had similar taste to design. It was really strange to learn all this on our first date, and we both were quite surprised. We also both quite spontaneous and enjoy going out trying new bars and restaurants. We had surprisingly similar taste buds and ordered pretty much similar drinks and foods. As we continue dating and getting to know each other better, the more similarities came through. It was really surprising to both of us, how similar we were, besides completely different backgrounds, nationalities and how we grew up.

If I would play a matchmaker I would probably try to match people by these essentials:

values

Both want the same thing in life like getting married, kids or not getting married and live together happily. It’s important that people know that straight away, as often one person wants to get married while other simply doesn’t seem to be interested and as much as dating at the beginning can be fun, it can cause huge issues along. Especially if one didn’t want a child and another really want one., as well as the number of kids. If one person has heart settled on just one child, while another wanted a huge family – it can create a conflict, unnecessary argues and if a one person is forced to have more children that she/he intend to it can be very overwhelming.

interests

If one person is a typical party queen/king and another prefer watching Netflix on a Saturday night or spend with family then it’s a big no-no. You don’t want to end up alone at home on a sofa while your other half is having the best time with mates. Of course, time to time spending separate is actually very healthy but long line it can become a problem. Make sure you are on the same boat with that one.

travelling

How they say, a couple who travel together, stay together. It’s easy to go to bars and restaurants or hanging out a few hours a day at first, but before you commit to living together try to travel together. When you travel together especially long hauls or longer holidays, then you can really get to know another person. Are you both early birds and who want to go and explore the city or jungle? Is one of you staying in bed till afternoon, while another is ready to go and moaning? Do you want to just chill by pool or seaside while the other half wants to go and explore? Do you go bed early so you can get up early, while the other is downing tequilas in the bar and socialise with other holidaymakers? do you cope well with travelling stress? Especially in rural countries, taking often dirty local taxis or you prefer to rent a driver and explore from a car? These can really define what kind of people are you. You don’t want to be that couple who throws luggage at each other at the airport 🙂

career goals

While education is not a metric whether you suitable or not, similar career goals however are. You don’t need to finish the same university, besides one of you, don’t even need a fancy University degree. As long as both of you have a similar strive for work attitude and career goals then it’s fine. If one person is working in the same job for several years, hates it with passion, moan every day- but do nothing and has no interest in changing while you climb your steps up, taking chances and develop your skills toward a better life, this can be tricky. It can cause many arguments. It’s nothing wrong when someone has the same job for years and love it, while you climb higher in new jobs but as long as you both happy-that is the key.

You don’t need like the same food or have exactly the same hobbies. You can both have different lives on the side. As long as you share values, have a similar attitude to lifestyle and career goals, you have the best chances to make a great couple.